


Is It Fated For Us To Be In Pain?

by GayNoctis



Category: Homestuck
Genre: I Don't Even Know, M/M, Other, i guess hurt and comfort
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-02
Updated: 2014-12-02
Packaged: 2018-02-26 03:16:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2635991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GayNoctis/pseuds/GayNoctis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Is he really okay? No, you don't know for sure if he's ever going to stop his bad habit of caring for others more than himself. It's always been this way no matter what he's never taking care of himself, always caring for others. He isn't getting better either not since you've both stopped having your jams together, not since three weeks ago. It was for his safety from yourself, the monster inside your head will not disappear no matter what. So it's best to leave him alone, which did the exact opposite of what you thought.</p><p> </p><p>What is most difficult is when the large part of me that is a narcissist grows weary and is overtaken by the self-loathing part that always lurks in the shadows waiting for an opportunity to shine. - Greg Fitzsimmons</p>
            </blockquote>





	Is It Fated For Us To Be In Pain?

**Author's Note:**

> Really random thing I did in my 4B. It was nice to write this mostly because I love this pairing. :P Hope you like it!  
> (This story may have rape in it in further chapters, considering that's what I'm planning on putting into the story.)

 

 

 

 

> _ Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.' _
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> _\- Charles M. Schulz_

It's not like you wanted to stay at this spot all day, but you did not want to see Karkat at all. You are sitting on your horn pile, contemplating on if you should talk to Karkat about your moiralligence. You were considering that but something inside of you told you not to see that angry, little troll. It was _them_ the voices, the ones that are telling you to stop talking to the mutant, whatever that meant. It's not like you wanted to stay like this but you are starting to lose your sanity each time you do a feel jam with him, you don't want to hurt the one person who could actually take care of you better than yourself. It hurts that your own thoughts are starting to consume you stronger than before when you're with Karkat. _I_ _t's his fault for doing this to you, he's the motherfucker who is causing your pain, brother._  Why does he keep coming back?  _  
_

"Leave me the motherfuck alone!"

You screech out in your quiet hideout, nothing but the feeling of lonliness haunting you since the day you were born. It's not fair that these vile voices keep on telling you bullshit about your best friend, who the motherfuck cares if he's a _mutant_ of course you don't but for some reason half of you disagrees and hates the low blooded mutant, who's a descendant of **_The Sufferer_**. Which to say isn't really you but more of your crazy self who's closer to **_The_ _Bard_ _Of Rage_** himself, it makes your stomach churn that you can't stop the voices nor the intentions of your other self. Even if you tried you couldn't kill yourself, the voices would tell you to stop and begin to bring up all sorts of questions. _What would happen to your best friend Karkat? Don't do this to your royal blood, brother. They're watching you Gamzee, they won't show mercy for a disgraceful high blood like you. I bet Karkat would surely go insane without his best friend._ All these thoughts are slowly drowning you from reality, nothing is going to be the same once it takes over. And that may happen sooner than you'd like, _the motherfucking messiah's will watch you slit his small neck, spilling his candy red blood all over the floor; while using his blood to paint the walls of your hideout._ No, no, no that will not happen, not to him of all people who doesn't deserve such agony just because of his blood that he has no fault for. You scream out even louder than before, holding your messy hair with your grey, thin hands pulling at your hair. These thoughts before talking about killing your best friend an up and all using his blood in a way that makes you want to vomit. 

You hear a soft knock at your door, someone must have heard your scream. You look around your dark, dank room full of the clown posters you love, random Faygo bottles scattered everywhere on the floor; empty pans of sopor slime, clothing thrown on the floor, the pile of horns you're sitting on. Noticing at how messy your room has gotten since the last time Karkat had been here, which was about three weeks ago. The knock continues, you hiss at how annoying the sound of the knock was on the door. You've been having a headache since the voices had been getting louder and louder a lot more lately, it's getting worse. You curse as you start to get up from the dusty floor, and you manage to trip on an empty Faygo bottle which causes you to fall down with a loud thud.

"Fuck!"

You rub your head as you had fell face down onto the floor, the motherfucker had stopped knocking. 

"Wait motherfucker I gotta get to the door, god damn."

You dust your shirt and pants, you swiftly walk to the door. You grumble on who this motherfucker is, why are they here. What you weren't expecting was your best friend looking so.... Distraught, tired, sad, depressed, and most of all his eyes looking so empty compared to his usual angry one's filled with his hate and rage. Now you feel bad for being so annoyed, the worst part is that his voice sounds so cracked it almost seemed like he was about to fall apart right there.

"Hey Gamzee, I heard your screams. I was kind of concerned about you since I haven't been here for a fucking while. Are you okay?" 

You purse your lips, the fact that he's concerned about your health rather than his own makes you feel even worse of a moirail. Why does he do this to himself? How come no one has noticed Karkat's appearance? The thought of no one noticing his health makes you angry, he's here worried for you when you should be worried for him. You notice Karkat glancing around the hall, biting his lips. He looks rather nervous, why? Your voice comes out raspy, deep while staring at his eyes. 

"Motherfucker when's the last time you took care of yourself rather than taking care of others?"

You look at him waiting for him to answer, he avoids eye contact the second you asked that question. He murmurs something to himself that you manage to hear. 

"I don't know probably two weeks ago..."

Two motherfucking weeks ago?! He needs help but something isn't right here, what's the real reason he's like this, why does he insist on putting this mask even in front of you. The person he should trust better than most of the group, better than the humans. They wouldn't be able to help him like you can, they'd attempt to but it wouldn't do much to someone who hides his feelings with anger and rage. It's just that you can't help feeling so much pity for him, the voices aren't whispering to you yet. How come Kanaya hasn't seen Karkat's messy self yet? Where is she when their very own leader is falling apart like you. You want to ask him about them since you have been in this room for so long, after you had went on a rampage killing sweet little Nepeta and her moirail who sweated so much Equius who could have killed you with his STRENGTH but he hadn't because of the fact that you were a higher blood than him. And he was killed before Nepeta, but it would have changed if you'd killed Nepea first. Again these things bother you but your best friend needs more hep than you right now. You notice him looking at you with an odd expression on his face that you've never seen on his round face, somehow this facial expression seems familiar. His eyes are void less of any emotion, his lips are tightly shut with cuts on the top part of his lips;his hands are clenched in fists, this isn't like Karkat and you know it. Something's hurting him in a way that is far worse than his self hating moments. 

It's on the tip of your tongue but you can't figure it out, only one person could be related to this kind of torture happening to Karkat. Your dancestor Kurloz is what you suspect of doing this to him, but how would he get to Karkat considering that Karkat hasn't been sleeping much. It doesn't make any sense. You stop your thoughts the moment he talks to you in such a harsh tone that gives you chills down your spine. Karkat's never spoke in such a cold tone, since he knew what you were capable of. Killinh everyone he ever loves, all of his friends could easily be dead but you knew that would hurt him far worse than when Nepeta and Equius had been killed.

" **I wouldn't be thinking of those kind of thoughts, motherfucker. They're not good for your motherfucking health.** " 

He smiles at you with a grin that reminds you of your other self, you notice his eyes are now glowing purple. You knew he'd do this to him, he liked playing games with your low blooded mutant friend.

 

**Author's Note:**

> It's the first chapter yo, that's pretty much it dude's.


End file.
